Mom.

 

       A few months ago right around Mothers day I was reading a book to the little baby that I used to nanny for, and this book that was meant for a child resonated with me, and the way that I felt towards my Mom. The title of the book was called, I Love You Stinky Face, and one of the pages read, "But Mama, but Mama, what if I were a green alien from Mars and I ate bugs instead of peanut butter?" ...to which the Mother replied, "Then I would fill your lunch box with spiders and ants and the tastiest bugs you ever had! And ill pack a note with all the bugs that says, "I love you little greenie, Bon Appetit!" This sweet little story could not describe my Moms love for me any better. Both her and my Dad are the only people I know that have changed every angle of their life to making sure that their children were able to grow into exactly who they wanted to be, even if that meant abandoning the normal, coloring outside of the lines, or holding back their "I told you so's" until we figured it out the hard way..on our own. I know that this is much more difficult for my mother because she is a natural perfectionist, and before my brother and I decided that soul searching was more important to us than the American dream, I believe she was a very "by the book" kind of lady. So I want to write this post to honor a woman who surrendered her way of thinking to understand ours.

      
   Now, if you have encountered my brother or I, you have probably encountered two of the goofiest, fun-loving, twenty somethings out there. God bless my Mother for supporting each and every whacky idea that we have conjured up since the time we could talk. Like the multiple times(yes thats plural) that Tanner asked Santa Clause for a lamb, a seal, or any strange animal he had researched from his national geographic books that year. Or the countless hours that I made my parents sit there and film all of the songs I wrote, dances I made up, workout videos I lead (Lyssa-Bo) or commercials that Tanner and I directed in our basement. Thank you for allowing us to wear our power ranger costumes to the grocery store, or for hand making our halloween costumes each year, because the Lord knows we never chose anything you could buy from a store. Mom, thank you for allowing our house to be covered in glitter and silly putty, and for letting us run wild as actual children without having to worry about reality while we still could. Thank you for always holding me and letting me cry through all of the break ups, mean girls, and disapointments life comes with. Thank you for letting us know that no matter what mess we made of ourselves, that we could always come home to our biggest fans.


  The reason that Tanner and I are able to decipher the path that God wants for our lives is because of the foundation that you raised us in. Watching your example has been a privilege, and it may have taken stepping into our adult years to see, but our parents are set apart from the normal as well. I am starting to find little quirks and qualities about myself that are yours, and I have been so thankful for this season of my life where the Lord has allowed me to see my mother as my best friend. I know that in this next season of life for me, I am going to change even more..and not having my Mom there is going to be quite the challenge, but God knows what he is doing, and he has allowed me to see you with his eyes and my love for you is beyond words. I am thankful that we can grow together, and for the fact that you actually like me..you say all the time, "Id hang out with you even if I wasnt your Mom." Which is my favorite thing about our relationship. I am a direct result from some inspiring parents whom I love so much, thank you for putting up with this crazy ginge.



He Chooses to Forget..

 

We have all heard the famous verse Romans 3:23, “All men fall short of the glory of God.” We hear this and an immediate, “duh” enters our thoughts. We know that we are human, imperfect, weak, sinners that are nothing without our mighty God breathing life and grace into our feeble lives. But even with having this elementary Sunday school lesson embedded in our brains, we still beat ourselves up and sometimes feel as though we are too far out of reach for our Father to call us back home. Let me tell you something, this is a LIE mustered up by the enemy, who in reality is just a tiny mouse with a megaphone.

Personally, this is an area of my life that the Lord has been trying to bring clarity to for quite some time, and finally I surrendered and let him fix this broken part of me…which is why I am writing this.

 Spiritual warfare is evident. The bible tells us multiple times that there will be a great battle between spirit and flesh, and that these are opposing forces. The way that I allow my flesh to prevail is usually in a way that is so camouflaged that I hardly even know that it is battering my spirit, such as indulging in garbage on tv, listening to that tasteless song on the way to work, or feeling too exhausted to open my bible that morning, however little it may seem in human eyes, it’s all the amo the devil needs to seep in and start his destruction. These little triumphs of the flesh can snowball out of control if we’re not feeding our spirit, because again, these two forces are in constant head to head combat..just waiting for the other to have a weak moment allowing victory over its opponent. This is one of the many reasons I am thankful for grace. That’s the beauty of all of this mess. We serve a God who is number one. He has the ULTIMATE power over every living thing in this world, he is above all else, his mighty hand can do anything he pleases, but with all that power..he uses it to be a good God. To love. To father the fatherless. To heal. To bring joy and hope…and He uses that power to forgive. This forgiveness of His is graciously given. We do not win it, we do not earn it, and we certainly do not deserve it…we are simply asked to receive it, and allow Him to see us as pure and new. SERIOUSLY?!? How breathtaking is our God?!

My struggle with this has been accepting the fact that I am completely forgiven even after I choose to serve my flesh over such an amazing God…knowing I chose something so vacuous and filthy over something so magnificent and holy, leaves me so astounded that God is willing to forget about all of it so hastily. But He does, and receiving that forgiveness is the key. Unless we are able to start seeing ourselves the way God sees us, and living in that mentality that we ARE redeemed, we cannot grow.

What is even more dangerous is when we start striving for that grace rather than accepting it. Trying to earn your way to living life through the spirit will do nothing but leave you exhausted. Spirit and strife do not mix .When you war in your own strength against something that God says is already finished, you’re fighting a battle that has already been won, and you’re not fighting from victory you’re fighting towards it. What victory can we achieve that is greater than the one already waiting for us? Ephesians 2:8 says, “For it is by grace you have been saved , through faith..and this is not from yourselves, it is a gift from God.”

 Now im not saying that we should give ourselves more credit, but rather give our God more credit. We are going to mess up, we are going to fail, we are going to be selfish and feed our flesh. But these are things that God already knew the day He created the Earth. He knew what he signed up for..trust me its hard to pull one over on this guy. This is why his goodness is such a treasure. It is so important to understand that He doesn’t want you to sulk in your shame or guilt. He doesn’t want you to feel like you need to strive to measure up, or try to earn your way back to him. He simply wants us to believe in that power of his forgiveness and to grasp how much He loves and values us, enough to forget all of our mistakes. Don’t ever let the lie of the enemy hold you back from growth with your Father. There is nothing you could do to make him stop loving you.

 

“But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.”

-    Psalm 86:15

Love you all, Lys.

Investing in the Invisible

         There is a line in a song called The Desert Song that goes a little something like this, “I know I’m filled to be emptied again, the seed I've received I will sow.” Such beautiful words strung together to display an action that we as Christians are called to do. There are so many verses in the bible that deal with building disciples, helping to guide the lost, evangelism, and loving on those who are not so easy to love on.
       It warms my heart to see Christians stepping into their ministries and into their purpose and getting out of their comfort zones to do so. It definitely takes a huge leap of faith and diligence to leave the country to share Gods word with those who are not exposed to it like we are as Americans. I truly have immense amounts of respect for those sweet souls..but one thing that truly breaks my heart into pieces is how way too often we ignore those lost souls standing in line next to us at the grocery store, or the girl who comes to church every week and sits in the back row by herself, or even your childhood friend who you no longer speak to.
     I am just as guilty of it so please do not think that I am not speaking to myself, but I have had the privilege of learning from a past that incorporates two worlds. One world where I don’t see my friends without one of them offering to pray for me, or providing encouragement and love…and another world where my friends are sincerely trying to understand my love for Jesus as they order a round of shots and swear between gulps.
     There is one thing that I know that my Lord has called me to do, and that is to love on both of those groups of people the exact same. Notice that the line of that song also says, “I know I’m filled…” This is something I have learned the hard way, and that is  the bible does say that, “Bad company corrupts good morals.”(1 Cor 15:33) Which means that it is important to remain steadfast in your pursuit of the Lord and be careful not to get swept away when surrounded by those who don’t always honor the Christian lifestyle, but this does not mean to stop investing in these peoples lives.

     Let me share a little story with you. I am not going to name any names, but recently a friend of mine and I met for dinner to catch up and at the end of the dinner he looked at our server and simply asked her if she was familiar with the gospel. I was blown away by this boldness and my immediate thought was how awesome I thought that was. She proceeded to explain how she was a practicing Muslim and she did not believe that Jesus was the Messiah. After about an hour of rattling off countless scripture at this young woman, my friend blatantly said, “If you do not believe that Jesus came to die for your sins, when you die..you will go to hell.” My mouth dropped and I immediately excused myself to the restroom where I proceeded to wipe away my uncontrollable tears. When I came back he was not phased a bit and was ready to go with a smile. That night I could not sleep. ( I ended up finding the girl on facebook to apologize and ask if she wanted to hang out sometime, she was so sweet and I have actually gone back to see her a few times.)
 This is what I am getting at. My friend, whom I love whole heartedly had the absolute best intentions..but what lacked from his intentions, was love..1 Cor 13:3 “Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal.  And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.   And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing. “ He was completely unaffected if that girl accepted Christ or not, and THAT right there people…is the problem.

It seriously angers me how wrong we have it sometimes. One of my good friends recently told me that she is completely unconcerned with numbers, she said if I am able to truly invest in one person’s life and help hold them accountable and they truly love the Lord for all of their days..that right there is more important than sharing the gospel with hundreds... Just like with this girl…why don’t we actually learn her first name, get to know her, learn her heart before we throw our beliefs onto her. Where is the love?  I am so sick of telling people that I am going to hang out with a person and them asking..Are they in the Kingdom? ISNT THAT THE POINT???!!!!

We don’t have the most sacred knowledge of this life just to keep it for our small little group of  Christian friends do we? No..that is not what our Father had in mind. We are ALL his children..not just those of us who “fit in” to a churchy category. The reason I am so passionate about this is because I have seen lives changed when you simply choose to accept them as they are and listen to their hearts, we were all lost once weren’t we?     I was the outcast..the girl who was told that “If you didn’t change, I was planning on not hanging out with you ever again”…OUCH.  The girl who went to church every week with her one friend for one year that nobody even noticed  until her big brother was radically saved, the girl who hears the broken hearts of her friends that are lost and judged and how they are so turned off by Christians because they aren’t given the time of day. It is time to get uncomfortable.
We have a responsibility as Christians to invest in the lives of those who nobody believes will change, to get out of our little Christian bubbles, and to start seeing the invisible people. Matthew 5:47 “And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?”
                I did not step foot into church for over a year because of the bitterness that I harbored for those people who did not accept me, notice me, or take the time to learn my heart..but God healed that. I learned that I was 50% of that problem and I have been forgiven and forgave those who don’t even know that they broke my heart. The fact is people are imperfect beings, and we are all going to fall short, the reason why we hold Christians to a higher standard is because there is a sacred calling on our lives. People who have never felt loved in their entire lives walk into a church expecting to be accepted and loved, and if we don’t step up to our calling no matter how uncomfortable, then people will continue to bash the church.

This post is not to bash anyone, it is a wake up call. I am so incredibly imperfect and I struggle with this as well, but when someone holds me accountable and it really pisses me off..that’s usually a red flag that its exactly what I need to hear. So you can read this and hate my stinkin guts, but I can guarantee you that if we live by this truth…that invisible person will bloom, and lives will be taken over by Jesus...

 

 

These are a few of my favorite things..

 

     Hand written letters. Ah swoon. A lost art. I have had the rare pleasure of being able to keep in contact with a few people throughout my life with this timeless form of communication, and I must say..its one of those simple acts that can bring such joy to the human heart. There is something so personal and raw about personalized handwriting, its like a little piece of that person will be kept with you forever. Also the fact that a hand written letter takes precious thought and time, you know that somebody set aside a small moment of their day for you. In todays society with all of the lost and misinterpreted communication that technology has so narcoticly stolen from us, a hand written letter has become a desolate diamond in the rough.

 

     Reading & Writing. I have always known I was a right-side of the brain kid growing up and hated it because I was never "book smart" like the other kids who excelled in math and science, but watching this quality pour into my young adult years has been one of the most pleasurable experiences of my life. I have found my passion. I love to read & write. I've always had a knack for words as a kid and could rhyme like nobody's business. I have even skimmed a few cards I made for my parents as a kid and have patted myself on the back once or twice when nobody was looking. Writing was the one thing that I felt like I was good at. It was just so organic and natural to me, but I had lost touch with this part of my soul for so long. I got caught up in the vanity, superficial, external webs of life and I sold myself short. But when I finally allowed God to show me the true woman he designed me to be, he opened up my eyes to the talents and crafts that he gave me. Now I can't put a good book or a pen down for nothin...


Solitude. I was the girl in middle school, high school, and most of my unconventional college career that was always surrounded by her girlfriends. The "Will you go to the bathroom with me..pleeeeeeaaaase??" girl..the "Just call me when youre here and then I will walk inside." girl. Yep. That was me. The dependent, always needing someone to hold-my-hand girl. This was the first thing God wanted to completely shed from me...and boy am I glad that He did. The grievious ongoing removal of my comfort zone, has been the coolest experience. I have done things in this season that I would have never imagined, and learned things about myself that could only be revealed to me in this intimate time. Never in my life had I been to church by myself until this year, Now I go by myself frequently and I truly believe that is where I was able to experience the Holy Spirit for the first time. A little over a month ago I bought a ticket to a concert and went by myself. Althought my mother wasnt too happy about that, I went because I really liked the band, and I didn't need a person/people to bring familiarity along with me to enjoy myself, I made some friends there and had an absolute blast. I am learning that comfort can be dangerous, and true growth is produced out of awkwardness sometimes. My solitude is now something that I cherish. Turns out, being in the company of myself ain't so bad.

 

Ambience. If you have ever spent quality time with me you know that I am the first one to light a candle, or dim the lights before getting comfortable and diving into a conversation. I have to set the mood for the room. I am so in tune with my atmoshphere and when I have the luxury of being in control of it, I like to construct an enviornment that is consoling and cozy. I get this from my mother. My parents house has always been the house that all of my friends come to. Many of you reading this have probably even sat on my front porch swing, or my sofa with my mom serving you up a big ole helping of her famous chicken spaghetti. I love being in a warm welcoming place where I can kick my feet up and truly sink into my surroundings.

 

 

  My Brother. Now let me make this clear, I have been blessed with so many wonderful people in my life. There are relationships that I have formed with people that have single handedly laid the framework of every good quality that I may possess. Not to mention my parents are remarkable human beings, and my best friends. But God single handedly crafted one person for me. One person to undeniably understand every aspect of who I am, one person to always be on my side, one person to be my safe place. A true reflection of the love my heavenly Father has for me. That person is my brother. It is extremely difficult to even try to put this connection into words for people to read because it just falls so short of our relationship. We truly are one person, we share a soul, it is like no human connection I have ever witnessed. I may be freaking a few of you out at this point, but thats what is so great about it. I don't know anyone else to possess it. Tanner and I have always been close. I think thats because while "normal" families were vacationing to Disney World and staying at resorts in hotels, we camped. Everywhere. We would actually camp on the beach instead of staying in the hotels. This was our normal. I would'nt trade anything in the world for that closeness. Staying up all night telling each other stories, and pretending to hear wild animals outside our tent(which could have actually been real). We were never the kids that stayed inside and played video games, we didnt even have cable growing up..you could find us in the nearest creek, climbing trees, or even down in the cul de sac sewers (sorry Mom). We were given a gift many children are deprived of....quality time. To condense this post I will spare details..but as some of you know Tanner faced an agonizing battle with addiction that ran its detrimental course for about seven years. This brought many people in and out of his life, but I never left his side. I tried to be the strong one but eventually his addiction took my life on a downward spiral as well, and I compromised so much of who I was just to be next to my person. Even though I took on the role of the older sibling and the protector for a little bit, I never stopped looking at my brother and seeing the most incredible human being. He has come so far, and is now THE most profound spiritual influence in my life. He is my best friend, and my favorite person.

 

Sunsets. I have accumulated a small bucket list for the year of 2012, and one of the things on it is to witness every sunset of this year. This goal was actually inspired by the movie Tron. One of the female characters had never witnessed a sunset and asked one of the male characters to describe it to her. He is taken back and realizes how he took that sight for granted. Through doing this I have found that this is my most favorite time of day. As I sit back each evening and relish at the sight of the sky above me gradually evolving into Gods breathtaking masterpiece, I can do nothing but gawk at the wonder and breathe it all in. The Lord visually woo's me each night. I am captivated...

 

 

 

Jesus is My Homeboy...No Really He is.

      I am probably about to displease quite of few people with this post, but I want to speak the truth..and to be frank I am only worried about pleasing my Savior now. Recently my eyes have been opened to the playful, funny, human side of God and who he created his son Jesus Christ to be...and I may be alone in this, but I have never really felt like this is a concept that is openly and frequently talked about. What we do hear so often from Christians is how much we love our Lord, and I truly have encountered some beautiful people who genuinely adore Christ.. but the factor that these hearts have coincides with truly taking the time to learn the character of Jesus. Jesus came to earth to reveal God to us, he is the heart of God, they are one. Learning the character and personality of this man is not only interesting, it is essential in a solid relationship with him. I feel like the incorrect prioritization of religion and tradition over an intimate relationship and friendship with Christ has deceived us into believing that he is this far-off, judgemental, strict, being that we only call upon in case of an emergency or on specific holidays involving a bunny or a tree..catch my drift?
         The bible provides us with so many interactions with Jesus, and if we take the time to interpret his communication and the way he chooses to respond, a personality begins to make itself apparent to us, and not only that, but one we can relate to. After all, we were created in his image. One of my favorite stories is found in the book of John, and takes place a week or so after Jesus is resurrected from the tomb. His disciples decided to go fishing, and early in the morning Jesus stood on the shore watching them. His disciples did not recognize him because as I can imagine he didnt try to draw much attention to himself or create some big spectacle...not like he had just risen from the dead or anything hahah, anyways he simply called out to them, "Friends, catch anything yet?" They answered no, and he said, "Throw your net to the right side of the boat and you will find some."  When they did, they were unable to haul the net in because of the overload of fish...thats when it all clicked, "Thats our Lord!!!" Then Jesus told them to bring the fish they caught and have some breakfast. Why do I love this story? Notice how casually Jesus enters the scene, his best friends dont even know its him. This is the resurrected Lord, mind you..ruler of the heavens and earth. This was a HUGE moment, one many people doubted would happen. He could have commanded the attention of the entire world emerging from a firey volcano or something! We all know that in our generation superstars use almost any shock and awe tactic to get noticed. But no, Jesus was a simple man. A humble man. Human. And the man just wanted to have some breakfast with his buddies. Gotta love it.
       Jesus is real, and to experience a friendship with him is a true gift and every human being can experience it. Jesus is so much more than this two-dimensional figure that people believe him to be. Yes, he is loving and compassioante, but he is so much more than just that. I challenge myself and all of you to try and cultivate a genuine friendship with Him and to recognize his playful side..that is the beauty of Christianity..there are always new depths and layers to discover, and this one is so much fun.

Love you all,
Lys.
      

Fear of Embrace the Unknown.

 

 

 

 

        Okay, so it happened. The inevitable realization. The first break down. It hit me like a ton of bricks. This morning I woke up at about 3:00am unable to convince myself that sleep was much more appetizing than the combustion of thoughts swirling around in my head like a typhoon. After surrendering to the typhoon, and coming to the conclusion that I had already mustered up the maximum amount of sleep that my brain would allow me, I walked down stairs, made a cup of coffee, and stared straight ahead at the wall. As my eyes made their way gradually around my living room, I started to take in the familiarity. All of the stupid little nothings that when combined together somehow made up a superficial comforting feeling of security and mundane relief. As embarrassed as I am to admit, this is what broke me. Since I have began to prepare for my future endeavors I have been drilled with advice, stories, counsel, warnings, cautions, encouragement, instruction, support, prayer, and so many words from the mouths of others. Some that have terrified me, some that have inspired me, and some that have offended me, but none that have broken me. I guess it just all caught up with me this morning, and I truly allowed it all to sink in.

                I am well aware that this adventure that I am about to embark on is a blessing and I still can’t even wrap my mind around how someone like me deserves to have this opportunity, but I have got to admit, the fear of the unknown had snuck up on me. I was scared of the fact that I have NO idea what is about to happen in the 6 months I am gone, or what is going to happen when I come back, or if I come back, or which country I will be living in for 3 months, or who I will meet, or where God will lead my current relationship, or if I will get sick, or depressed, or scared…????? These thoughts attacked my mind all at once, and of course my flesh was shaken, because I allowed the enemy to have a strong hold. But because my God taught me not to shrink back, I fought back the only way I knew how, His word.

             I opened right to Isaiah and frantically flipped through the fragile pages of my bible and my eyes were drawn right to chapter 41 starting with verse 8. As I read I could feel my spirit delighting and my mental wounds physically being tended to…these are the words that I read.

 

“But you, Israel, my servant, Jacob, whom I have chosen, you descendants of Abraham my friend.. I took you from the ends of the earth ,from its farthest corners I called you. I said, “You are my servant” I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Isaiah 41:8-10

 

 

   Wow. Speechless. How can I even lack confidence in such an immeasureable God? Of course we are human, and we are imperfect beings, but if I am constantly devoted to diving into His word and trusting it whole heartedly..these little doubts wouldnt have such a strong hold on me. I am such a constant work in progress, but with progression He brings insight. This I am learning. I wrote down a prayer in my journal last week that actually made me laugh out loud. The main idea of the prayer was that my spoken "Thank You's" served almost no justice for the blessings He has poured over my life..so I was praying to have the Lord help me live out my "thank you" and to guide me to make my life a display of my gratitude..but there is the irony...even in the thanks that I try to scrounge up with my life..I still need Him. What a revelation, I even need Him in my thank you.

 

   At this point I am talking in imperfect circles but the point I am trying to display is this..Fear is very real, and can consume us if we let it, but the beauty of this vicious cycle is that we werent created to take on all of this fear all by ourselves. We were made to NEED Him. He delights in being needed. So if you are like me, and one little worry can snow ball into your entire world crumbling in an instant...just remember that He wants to be the hand to console you in this time..so let Him. Scream, yell, kick, get angry, let it out, express those fears, be real with Him, allow His word and His presence to alleviate all of those torn up places of your soul. Team up with your maker to take on the attacker and embrace these unfamiliar uncomfortable feelings. Sure its messy, heck yea it hurts. But how incredibly worth it.

 

 

 

Psalm 55:22

 

Love you all, Lys

 

 





Free.

What does it mean to be free?

            I hear this word. I love this word. I even have this word permanently imprinted on my rib cage…but what does it really mean? I feel liberation in physical form just simply placing the word between, “I am” and “from”, but that’s where it gets me. I am free from what? Until I can answer this question, am I really all that free? Have I ever really taken the time to justify the use of this word that I habitually flaunt?

            What I do know is that the foundation of this word comes from the place that our souls rest, and that the spark which ignites this word to come to life can only be lit by the hands of God. Only He can breathe definition off of the pages and into real life.

            2 Corinthians 3 says, “Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”  Let’s take a closer look at that solemn word. Freedom: the state of being free rather than in confinement or under physical restraint; Example: He won his freedom after the trial. The irony of this word is that freedom does not come freely. Somebody must pay a price for this latitude. The first thing I must allow to sink in is that I was fought for. 1 Corinthians 6 says it best, “You were bought at a price.” The reason that we can mess up, and make our own choices, and be welcomed back with open arms, is because Jesus went before us and paid a brutal cost so that we can delight in this angelic word. Let that sink in. Now I ask myself, because Jesus fiercely paid a price for my life, what am I free from?

           

I am free from….

            The way that people perceive me,

I am free from….

            Believing lies that diminish my value,

I am free from….

            Misery, Shame, Guilt,

I am free from….

            The ways of the world,

I am free from….

            Measuring up,

I am free from….

            Comparison,

I am free from….

            Thinking that it is all about me,

I am free from….

            Depression,

I am free from….

            My past

I am free from….

            Spending eternity in hell.

                                                                        I am free.

 

 

Lys.

You are Worthy of a Love so Sacred.

As I continue on my beautiful journey with the Lord, I am finding a rhythm in my recollections. The way that the Lord chooses to reveal my answered prayers to me are almost like an unforeseen puzzle. He loves to use people, places, and things, that we would NEVER see coming. Sometimes I don’t even realize that the very thing he unfolded in front of me is the very thing that I asked for. Almost every time I go back and read my journal, I am moved to tears at the way our Creator orchestrates his miracles, it is indescribable and eminent.

I recently skimmed a previous entry from one of my journals from the beginning of this month. On this particular page I was just pouring out my heart and holding nothing back. This was my hearts cry, and it was heavy and raw. The essential point of the flowing ink revealed that I was struggling with accepting Gods love. Yep. I know. A fundamental aspect of being in a relationship with Christ, the easiest gift in the world to accept, the most rewarding powerful state of mind a human being can live in, and I just could not allow myself to receive it. I was in my own way, and my relationship with Christ was suffering. Towards the end of my journal entry I was just spitting out truth and how I knew what the word of God said was real, but there is a huge difference between “knowing” the truth and “accepting”  it. The final sentence stated, “I must push forward and press into you Lord, because I know in my heart that there is a season coming where I will not only hear about your truth, and learn about it, but I will put it into practice, and see it unfolding in my life.

I grow frustrated just reading that.  It is amazing how we get in our own way sometimes. We simply cannot live in the truth without allowing it to penetrate our hearts, and that means..Believing and living in that solidity that HE LOVES US. I know I am not the only person to struggle with this concept, but I can’t lie, it sure as heck feels like that sometimes. As sad as it is, the enemy had convinced me that I was unworthy of a love so selfless, that I did not deserve for someone to see me so pure and blameless, he had convinced me that I was damaged goods. Living in this lie, almost destroyed my life. Once this prayer was purged, I knew that the season that my heart longed for was not going to be an easy one and I did not expect it so soon, but guess what…he delivered.

In the most random sequence of events, my sweet Jesus has used people in my life who I would have never expected to show me corporeal examples of this kind of love. I am learning to receive and accept that this selfless love that I am being shown is only a “glimpse” of the way that my Heavenly Father loves me. I am learning that these lessons of love come in packages that we don’t plan for, but if we take the time to unwrap them and look with eyes of the spirit, we see Him. I am learning how important it is to seek Him in a way that is all my own, and not to miss out on his adept messages of love, and to believe that I am worthy of this love, this benevolent, divine, freely given love.


Isaiah 43:4 says, " Since you are precious and honored in my sight and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life."

Love you all, Lys
 

 

This is a short video of the DTS program I will be doing at YWAM Denver.

Washed by the Waters

          As I continue to seek the Lord, a reocurring theme has made a home for itself in my head. I am no longer satisfied with remaining idle in my walk, I desire to reach new levels of my faith, I thirst to be made more thirsty still. With all this being said, the Lord desired for me to take a neccessary step in my pursuit. He wanted me to get baptized. This realization was brought to my attention when one of my best friends prophesied over me. The thought had previously crossed my mind, but my flesh just swept it away, and then one day..not long after I had this thought, I received a text from my friend just simply stating, "I think you should get baptized, pray about it." There was no doubt in my mind this was the Lord, but my resoponse revealed a hint of doubt. "I dont belong to a home church, and all of the churches I looked up, wont be holding baptisms until the fall." Her response(God's response), "Make your own." There it was. A simple command from my Father, giving me a gift that I asked for..to go deeper.
        
           Now if you know me, you know that I love being surrounded by people, I am comfortable in large crowds, and if challenged, I could probably create a 20 minute conversation out of any word you throw at me. But, ironically..I HATE being the center of attention. Words flow through my mind every second, but when put on the spot, I scramble to find one syllable. Weird I know. I love how the Lord honored this by orchestrating my baptism the way He did. He allowed me to be baptized in a setting that suited the person I am, the way He created me.
      
           So on Saturday evening my sweet little family, my sweet beloved friend Linda, and I all hiked down a quaint little trail off of Red Top Mountain, and found a secluded spot right by the lake. This was where I was baptized. Yep, in Lake Allatoona, flesh eating bacteria & all. This moment was so beautiful. My brother baptized me as my Dad prayed over me, and when I went into that murky water I felt nothing but a sound peace and I felt my heavenly Father say to my heart, "It is well." When I submerged from the water I just looked up at those sweet smiling faces and just tried to absorb this sacred moment. I tried to absorb what this represented. This representation was a proclomation of my salvation. This sweet salvation that I did NOTHING to deserve. Those murky waters represent the blood of Christ that completely washed away my former life. Those murky waters represent a declaration of freedom. Those murky waters represent a new pursuit, a pursuit of purity & holiness. . Those murky waters represent a preperation of becoming Christ's bride. Those murky waters represent grace. I just pray that the Lord continues to shatter the doubt that clouds my pursuit and to believe that He is going to take me deeper, and that He will design these opportuinites for me to do so. It is just up to me to listen with an obedient heart, and to act on it.

 Lamentations 3:25 "The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him."

Love you all, Lys.

My first post, nothing fancy.

I want to preface this blog with a solid statement. I have been keeping journals since I was in sixth grade. At the age of twelve I learned that my soul equates with the method of pouring my thoughts, emotions, heart aches, victories, stories, poems, prayers, cries, etc. onto multiple pieces of paper, finishing that last cogent statement, over dramatically puncuating that last sentence, and then closing that journal, binding all of these personal details into a secret place. This simple craft became an outlet for me. An escape. A safe haven. An art. So I am stamping this blog with a huge disclaimer. I am taking my pages and molding them into a story. A story of my heart. This blog is going to be real. Real messy, real honest, and real vulnerable. Dont say I didnt warn ya.












With that said, here's a little bit about me for those who do not know me, and those who think they do;) Name's Alyssa, close friends call me Lys, and a select few call me Lyssy(secretly my fav). I would deem myself an old soul, I enjoy things that are timeless and rare. I am an avid thrifter, and until a year ago I thought Michael Kors was a Japanese basketball player. I am a closet neat-freak (for those of you who have known me for years...yes its new) My goal is to have hair that is referred to as "like that of a mermaid",I have terrible hand writing, and I secretly cry at the holiday publix commercials. I thrive off of fellowship and good listeners, you know..the ones who you can tell are literally fostering every verbal word and empathizing with your situation, man those people are too good for my soul. My brother is one of those people. Speaking of, my brother takes up a huge chunk of my heart, he is the greatest human being I will ever meet, and he is my best friend, although that term really doesnt even give our relationship justice, it'll do for now until my vocabulary is upgraded. Though all of these little quirks make up this little ginge, my true irrevocable identity is found in the one whom my heart delights in. Jesus Christ. My journey thus far to find this identity has been painful, unconventional, clumsy, incompetant, uncoordinated, messy, unexpected, graceful, ravishing, perplexing, and oh so beautiful. These past few years have been an all out fight. A teeth clentching, white knuckled, all out fight. But my Savior never stopped fighting, never stopped looking at me with compassion, never stopped loving. When I did finally accept His grace in full, my eyes were opened to something that I had never seen before. You wanna know what that was? Life. Yes, plain and simple..life. In my 22 years, I had never really lived..I had never really experienced real joy...I had never had clarity..I had never lived in truth. Today I live, today I am joyful, today I see clearly, and today I know in my heart that HIS truth triumphs any minor detail that comes my way. Today I walk hand in hand with Jesus. He delivered me.



Last thing, I promise. Some of you may know that the Lord has undeservingly blessed me with an opportunity that has been on my heart for a little over a year now. He is allowing me get on a plane with two suit cases and my brother and fly to Arvada, Colorado where I will be going to a Discipleship Training School. After training, He is sending my team and I on an outreach, where we will live for a period of time and just manifest the Lords goodness, mercy, and love in the lives of others, therefore being enriched ourselves. This entire experience will be six months. After the six months is up, I am really unsure how much time I will have before my phase II or secondary school will start, so I really do not know the next time I will be home once I leave. So yes I am fearful, yes I am nervous, and YES I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT I AM GETTING MYSELF INTO!! But...and thats a big BUT..what I do know is that this kind of journey REQUIRES me to have FAITH in my GOD. I am clenching onto what is true. Proverbs 19:21 says, "Many are the plans in a human heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Philippians 2:12-13 says, "Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed..not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence. Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose." What these two passages are telling me is to forget my stupid plans, those are just the blueprints of life in the flesh, My God has instilled in me a desire to live in the Spirit, and to satisfy and fulfill this spirit, I must continue to ask God to rid me of my selfish plans, and continue to seek His plan, and walk in His obedience. The other passage seriously puts a big fat smile on my face. Its actually sort of funny how we search for this unforseen intelectual answer as to how to get over our fears and to press forward. We study, we pray, we analyze, we dissect. But God's word provides an answer that is quite simple. Do it afraid. Yep that's it. He is saying, if you are afraid..do it afraid..He is saying watch what I can do, watch how I am going to use you, and when it is all said and done, we are able to look right at God and say, We did it. So with that being said, please continue to be in prayer with me friends. This is nothing of my doing, this is just what the Lord has mapped out for my life. I cannot wait to see where He is going to take me on this beautiful journey.

Blessings, Lys.